Pain or Suffering, Happiness or Joy

Suffering and Joy are choices

Mindfulness has taught me that you can't choose to have no pain in life, but most of the time you can choose not to suffer.

This is a significant distinction.

Everyone has pain to deal with (as well as joy), it is part of being human. It is your body and minds way of saying that life is not the way it 'should' be.

Now… let me define what I mean by 'should'.

Your subconscious mind sets you up for a particular way of life, depending on how you have been brought up. If you have been brought up to expect that you will earn $100,000 a year and you don't make that amount you will be disappointed.

It reminds me of the story of the person who earned $50,000 a year and the person who earned $150,000 a year. When the first person got a raise to $100,000, and the other person got demoted to $100,000; guess who was happier?

If you were the second person (that was on $150,000), you might feel frustration or sadness. You could see these emotions as just that, emotions; frustration or sadness.

Or you could choose to say "Why me?" or "That other person didn't deserve the promotion" or any other harmful, self-defeating self-talk. This would make you suffer.

Do you see the distinction? You have pain, but you don't need to suffer from the additional negative self-talk.

Suffering is a choice most of the time; pain is not.

It works the same with 'Joy' You can't choose to be happy, but when the emotion of 'happiness' does come you can enjoy the emotion even more by saying to yourself, "Wow, what a wonderful feeling" or in the case of the person with the promotion you could say, "I worked hard, and now I have been rewarded. Great." This will turn the random happiness to real joy and make it last longer.

So next time pain rears it's ugly head, accept it. Look at your self-defeating negative thoughts with a curious mind and gently push them in the background.

There is one caveat - if the pain is too strong it can be very difficult not to suffer; like the death of a loved one. When this happens you may need to grieve for a period of time. Remember, we are human.

By the way, the more mindfulness training you do, the more you can do this - it is like a gym for the mind. Likewise, you can experience more joy.

Cheers Chris

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The ripple of gratitude

By Chris Griffiths • November 17, 2024

Emily turned a page. Emily sat by her window, staring out at the autumn leaves swirling in the crisp breeze. Life had felt heavy lately — a demanding job, bills piling up, and a lingering sense of unfulfillment. But this morning, she decided to try something different. She grabbed a notebook and wrote “Today, I am grateful for…” at the top of the page. At first, the list felt small. She was grateful for her morning coffee, the cozy blanket draped over her lap, and the sunlight streaming through the window. But as she wrote, memories and realisations began to flood her mind. She thought of her best friend, who always called to check-in. She remembered her neighbour, who had left a bag of fresh apples on her doorstep the week before. With each item she added, Emily felt a shift in her heart. Gratitude, she realized, was like a seed. With attention, it grew into something beautiful. Later that day, Emily carried that warmth with her. She smiled at the cashier at the grocery store, sincerely thanked her, and noticed the woman’s tired face light up. She texted her brother to say she appreciated him. To her surprise, he responded with a heartfelt message about how much he valued her, too. By evening, Emily’s burdens felt lighter, not because her circumstances had changed, but because her perspective had. Gratitude didn’t erase her challenges, but it painted them in softer hues. It reminded her of the goodness woven into her days, even when life felt overwhelming.

A woman with an afro is sitting at a piano and pointing at the camera.

Attitude shapes the journey

By Chris Griffiths • November 17, 2024

Jordan's attitude. Jordan was known for his sour attitude. At work, he complained about every task. At home, he grumbled about small inconveniences. Life seemed perpetually stacked against him — or so he thought. One day, his elderly neighbour, Mrs Patel, asked for help moving a box. Grudgingly, Jordan agreed. Inside the box were letters, photos, and trinkets. Mrs. Patel shared how she lost her husband at a young age but raised her children with love, despite a life of poverty. “Attitude shapes the journey,” she said, smiling. Her words lingered. That night, Jordan reflected. His job wasn’t thrilling, but it paid the bills. Their apartment wasn’t luxurious, but it was warm and safe. For the first time, Jordan acknowledged these as blessings rather than burdens. The next day, Jordan smiled at the barista, held the elevator door open for a stranger, and thanked a colleague. Each small act felt like a victory. Slowly, his world brightened—not because circumstances changed, but because he did. Months later, Mrs Patel caught Jordan humming while helping her with groceries. “See?” she said with a wink. “A little attitude adjustment works wonders.” Jordan laughed, realising the truth in her words: life didn’t need to be perfect to feel good — it just needed a better outlook.

Acceptance

By Chris Griffiths • June 18, 2020

But we must do it, or it can cause a lot of unnecessary pain. When things happen in life, you can take it on and create misery for yourself, or you can step back, if only for a moment, and look at it objectively. When you step back, you can work out what kind of reaction you can have to what has happened. PS: The mindfulness exercise in the Podcasts section called "Embodied Thought" will help you do this. If you don't step back, you could suffer not only the thing that has happened to you but also the suffering in your mind of regret, anger, frustration or numerous other emotions. Part of healing what has happened to you is to accept the situation. We need to look at it with clarity, and you can only do this with a minimum of emotional attachment. Doing this can be very difficult when it involves a strong emotion. When the emotion is strong, sometimes the only thing you can do is bear it. And sometimes when you endure the emotion, you will be surprised how much you can handle. I was working one day in my home office, and I felt the pang of loneliness come over me. It was quite strong, and I knew that no amount of mindfulness on that day would cure it. So… I bore the emotion. I felt terrible; it felt heavy and almost unbearable. It was hard to work, but I persisted. And in an hour it had gone. Sometimes that's all you can do. However, if you consistently practise mindfulness, you will get better at acceptance because you will build the strength of mind to tackle what comes up in life. Cheers Chris